#11 You Don't Need White/Straight Pride
I've been seeing things like this pop up all over the Internet and it just...It's depressing. I've written this response more times than I can count and it finally dawned on me that I should really just be copy/pasting it. Why haven't I saved this somewhere yet so that I don't have to keep typing it over and over again?
1. You don't need Pride because it's not hard to be straight/white.
Straight Pride: You may have been afraid to tell your dad that you had a date. You weren't afraid to tell your dad that you were straight. You weren't fired for being straight. There are no hardships in this country related to being straight. You didn't have to fight for the right to marry and you didn't have to fear holding hands with your significant other because of your straightness. Your life was never threatened because you were straight. Being straight is not a hardship for you to overcome. Your straightness is an advantage you were born with. Be happy with it! Love it! But pride? Surely you've done cooler things than be born with the expected sexual orientation.
White Pride: You don't have to defeat a stereotype that says you're dangerous, poor, and stupid. Maybe you WERE born poor. That's fine. Being poor is hard and you should be proud of your roots! Being white is not. Being white is associated with wealth, safety, and intelligence. You skin color is a natural born advantage in this country. People are more likely to trust you, more likely to hire you, and will assume you have a higher education than your black counterpart - all because of your skin color. Hooray! You were born with pale skin. It caused you no hardships. Tell me something cooler about yourself.
2. Reverse discrimination: I sympathize, but it's not a good reason.
Straight Pride: Did you feel like a minority at the gay club? Do you feel ostracized at Pride and other LGBTQ events? Guess what? That's how they feel EVERYWHERE else. Let this be a lesson in empathy.
White Pride: Oh, did that minority just call you racist for some reason you don't understand? Did someone call you a cracker? Do you like the term reverse racism? Think about how you would feel if that was coming from the majority of the population and media. That's how minorities feel. Does that mean I support people being rude to one another? Not at all. I'll defend anyone against bullying, racism, and general rudeness. But what you're going through is the backlash from the oppression and the racism minorities deal with every day. Instead of making this gap wider, we should instead seek to close it. We don't do that with White Pride. We do that by accepting and loving diversity, with empathy and respect. We do that by understanding that we are not the victims. Yeah, they're bitter. Do you want to make that worse? Or do you want to help?
3. You're being defensive.
Straight Pride: Why can't I have a parade? Why are they so special? Because they fought to be able to have things you take for granted! Because they've lost their families for something outside of their control. Because you're watching them build themselves up and instead of offering a hand, you're afraid they're going to build themselves up taller than you. All they want is a place beside you. Nobody is threatening your place on your pedestal, so calm the fuck down.
White Pride: Have you ever told someone you had a bad day, and had them respond with "Mine was bad too!" Have you ever had that friend who, anytime you talked about anything at all, they had to share their more intense experience? It's not a competition! Of course everyone should be proud of who they are. Absolutely that is so. But when Black, Muslim, or any other non-white pride exists, there's always that guy going, BUT LOOK AT MY PRETTY PALE SKIN. Don't be that guy. Let them have their moment. Because mainstream culture is all about your pretty pale skin. Your problem is in being noticed, because there's so much of you. Celebrate individuality! Celebrate your Irish ancestors who worked their asses off and dealt with all kinds of discrimination when they immigrated to America. But do it somewhere else. Why do you need to get all up in someone else's celebration? You were not part of that struggle. You have your own struggles to celebrate, and they have nothing to do with the color of your skin.
4. But this isn't equality!
Straight Pride: Fine. Have your own parade. I'm not going to stop you. But I am going to roll my eyes and dismiss you because equal right to assemble does not mean you have equal cause. You have just as much right to have a car wash to raise money for a trip to Disneyland as you do to raise money to send to emergency relief programs, but if you tell me those causes are equal than you are an ass. Jamie wants money for a vacation, but Jenny wants money to feed her child. Jamie and Jenny are equal human beings and deserve all the same rights, but their causes are not of equal need. Gay Pride is about building a community of support for those who rarely have it. It's about being able to marry the person you love. It's about ending work place discrimination. Straight Pride is about...being equal to Gay Pride? That's offensive since the whole point of Gay Pride is to celebrate the fight for equality.
White Pride: White pride is historically racist. It's endorsed by the KKK for crying out loud. Is that really something you want to be associated with? If so, go for it. I won't stop you. But I will think less than you. Black pride is about skin color because their struggles are about skin color. What are your struggles about? Money? Gender? Class? Nationality? THAT should be where your pride comes from. Nobody is saying that you shouldn't be proud of you. It's just that what makes one person strong or brave is not the same thing that makes another person strong or brave. I love my green eyes, but I'm not proud of them. They are not a thing I accomplished or a struggle that I overcame, nor are they related to any. I love my pale skin, which is a direct result of my lifestyle (I tan really dark thanks to my Native blood, but I avoid sunlight because I'm a weirdo). But pride? That's genetics, and it's caused me no hardship. I'm proud of my ancestry. I'm proud of my heritage. I'm proud of the struggles my people went through in the past, and the many things they were able to accomplish. Pride comes from accomplishments or hardships relating to you or a group that you are a part of. White people as a whole have done nothing great, but individual cultures and peoples have done AMAZING things. Why is that different for black people? When they were brought here, they were stripped of their culture. The larger black community in the US descends from that. The only culture they know they're from is slave culture. They cannot trace their ancestry back like most white people can. They were reduced to the color of their skin, while white people were still differentiated. You were Irish. You were German. Etc.
Love yourself. Never be ashamed of your orientation or skin color. They are wonderful. But loving something is not the same as taking pride in it. We should strive to respect the struggles that other groups have gone through and/or are going through.
"I had a bad day." "Wait until you hear how bad MY day was."
Do not be that guy. There are so many qualities about you that are worthy of pride. Write them down. Make a list. You don't need to feel threatened by the lists of other people. You don't need to feel threatened by groups you aren't a part of celebrating struggles that you don't understand. Because that list you just made? Nobody can take that from you. You shouldn't need White or Straight Pride to feel validated because you are a really cool person who has been through some really tough things, and so have your ancestors. Take pride in that. And love yourself.
